Their First Time, Our Shared High

We met a couple who seemed like seasoned pros, but they were holding onto a fantasy that had never actually happened until that night.

We'll walk you through how it all started with a casual bar conversation.

The surprising truth about this couple's experience, or lack of it.

The moment Vic set things in motion.

What it felt like to give them their first time, and why it turned us on just as much as them.

This one's about energy, anticipation, and why sometimes the other couple's experience is the hottest part of all.

Welcome to Coming Out Swinging, a raw.

Real look at modern relationships.

I'm Dave Arena.

And I'm Victoria Arena.

We've been together nearly 30 years, married over 24, and swinging for more than 22.

We're starting this podcast now because for too long, fear kept us from living authentically, from being open about who we are and what our relationship actually looks like.

Maybe this is our modern day Scarlet.

Letter, but we're here to be both the example and the invitation to help others own their desires and question the scripts we've all been handed.

What's broken in today's relationships?

Is monogamy even natural for humans?

And could the secret to a relationship that doesn't drain your soul be owning other people?

This show explores how love, sex, and identity often buckle under the weight of societal expectations, especially monogamy.

Subscribe to Coming Out Swinging, the podcast that redefines couple goals straight from the OGs.

Okay, so today we're gonna tell a little story.

True.

True.

That we're gonna tell a story or true story?

It's both.

Both.

So we were at the club, our local club here.

Yeah.

I love this story because it really will dig into why or not why.

This one will really dig into what.

A very specific example of what we get out of it and what turns us both on currently.

Yeah, in different ways.

Yeah.

Because we each.

We.

We each got get something specific out of this scenario.

Specifically.

Both couples, you mean, or you and I.

You and I.

True.

Well, and them too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I guess.

Yeah, all three.

Yeah, it kind of just comes full circle.

Yeah, for sure.

So you want to start off?

Sure.

So we had gone to the club one night and, you know, I tend to be like the.

I'm like the mixer, like the party girl, kind of like break the ice with everybody.

Usually do shots.

You'll.

You'll hear that a lot when you know.

Or I'll at least offer them.

Like, I'm not forcing anybody to do shots.

You know, you're the.

You're the extrovert Definitely.

I would never talk to anyone.

We would never do anything this lifestyle if we were up to date.

Because he never approach anybody.

Yeah, I'm introvert.

However, this particular night there was a couple that came in and let me just set the thing.

There's.

There ends up being three couples, but.

So the first couple comes in, they're probably around our age, maybe a little older and they.

So here's what's interesting.

Yeah, they're a little older than us now.

What's interesting about this scenario as you tell it is the first couple that you're talking about.

So each of them were completely.

They ended up being different than what we originally thought.

Totally.

So the, the original couple, they.

They were more like, hey, you know, like I think his father had just died and they were having that moment of like, let's live our lives.

And so they.

So it totally made it sound like they had never had any experience and they were completely new.

Correct.

That wasn't quite the situation.

No.

So what we found out from them because, you know, during the interview process or get to know each other process, we found out that like over what, 25 years ago or so.

Yeah.

They had an experience.

Experience when they first got married and.

Or first were married and they invited a guy.

Guy friend of theirs over.

You know, one thing led to another and you know, had a swap with that guy.

Never called him again.

Never did anything else.

Never did anything else ever again.

It just was like a one night thing.

And now 25 years later, they decided to go and do it again.

And then they did mention something about like her friends coming over one time and having a three summer.

So they had a couple experiences like.

Yeah.

Early on in their marriage.

So years had gone by.

Yeah, we're talking 25 years had gone by before they did anything.

But they did have some experience.

They weren't completely new.

Like they almost sounded like at first.

Correct.

Yes.

And I think they kind of saw us having fun and so she was like, you know, drinking her wine and.

Yeah, she was outgoing too.

And they were very nice.

So we were talking to them for a while.

Correct.

And then another couple showed up and saw like all four of us kind of just being.

We weren't being loud.

I mean, we were in the club area, so you can talk and be boisterous or whatever.

And so they came over and introduced themselves and they were great.

Very nice.

She was kind of shy.

They also were a little older than us slightly.

Yeah.

And.

But super cool people.

Just really cool.

Like I don't know, they were real laid back and just kind of casual.

And in talking to them, it's hard when all three couples are kind of talking amongst each other and she and he are telling us a story.

And Dave was kind of on the opposite side of me.

And at one point, Dave leans over and goes, did I hear what I think I heard?

She said, like, she's.

They come here all the time, but they've never done anything.

No.

Isn't that.

No, I didn't know that at that point.

Okay.

All they were talking about was how they had been in this for years.

Oh, yeah.

They literally said years.

Yes.

And they have come to different clubs, they've gone to different events, So I assumed.

I don't know how you took it, but I assume when someone says they've been in this for years and they've been going to clubs and events that they're just.

That they've done something.

Yeah, they're.

Yeah.

Like you would assume.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

It's not like if someone says, oh, we came once.

Like, you might think they didn't have an experience.

That's.

Yeah.

When you say you've been coming for years, I assumed they were experienced, and you're right.

And so in my mind, I'm kind of looking at them.

I'm like, she's cute.

He's not really my type, but let's just see where the night goes, you know, that kind of thing.

And they all kind of kept talking, and I just kind of looked at Dave, because sometimes in a club atmosphere, the later it gets and the more you drink, you can end up getting stuck just talking all night.

So we knew we wanted to do something whether it was with them or not with them.

So we said we were going to go upstairs and get started.

And they were like, oh, okay.

You know, so we kind of head up, and next thing you know, they all follow.

You're skipping ahead.

No, I'm not.

Yeah.

I went to the bar first, and because you were like, well, get me my final drink.

Like your drink that you take off.

Right.

I go to the bar, and he.

The husband of the couple that said they've been there for years, was talking.

To our friend, the bartender, right?

Yes.

And so when I came up.

Now, this bartender is good friends of ours because we go there so often.

And she almost, like, was not hushing him, but almost like, since I showed up, she was almost like, well, yeah, we'll talk about that later.

Mm.

He walks off, and I'm like, what's that?

All About.

And she's like.

She whispers to me, and she's like.

He's like eager beaver to get his wife to try something.

And he is.

He thinks it would be so hot for her to be with another guy.

Yeah.

And.

And she basically was saying that he was telling her they've been coming here for years and nothing has happened.

He can't talk her into doing anything.

So I.

Right there, I was blown away because I was like, again, when you hear someone has been coming for years, you're like, how have they been coming for years and nothing has ever happened?

But that was the reality.

So he was.

He was almost asking her for advice.

Yeah.

Like, how do I get this thing?

How could it finally happen?

Yeah.

Yes.

And I do remember.

So that's the backstory.

Before we even headed upstairs.

Then we head upstairs.

So my.

My point still continues.

We head upstairs, we start our thing, and they all follow right up behind us, basically.

Within minutes.

Within minutes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you and I do our thing.

We always kind of just start, you know.

Now, some more context here.

This particular club has an upstairs play area that is all open.

There are no private.

There's a couple beds, there's a few couches.

There's some bdsm, like, crosses and stuff, and that's it.

There's no private rooms.

You have to play on the open.

So typically, what happens is Vic and I will start on a bed and just do our own thing.

And because, you know, we've been doing this so long, it's just spontaneous.

Right.

Like, whatever happens.

Well, that's always hotter for us.

Yeah.

Whatever happens happens.

So we start and then.

And the other couple, the first couple, they start on a bed next to us, and the second couple comes and sits on the couch right in front of us.

The couple that's never had anything happen, the first couple that had some experience but nothing for 25 or 30 years, they moved off to a couch further away.

So they were kind of out of the picture from that.

From the first.

From the initial.

Correct.

Yeah.

And the couple that had never had anything happen sat on the couch opposite of us.

Correct.

And at one point, we kind of stopped just to take a break, look around or whatever.

He kind of knocked.

Well, they started like, she was on.

She was grinding on top of him.

Clothes on.

Clothes on.

Correct.

And he kind of looks at me.

I look at him, and he kind of gave me, like, a nod, and.

I'm oblivious like usual.

Yeah.

But he was basically giving me a nod like, can you send your husband over like, kind of like nodded towards Dave and Dave, you know, and so I think Dave caught that at that last second.

Well, I look to you because again.

He looks at me and I'm like, go over there.

Like, I'm like pointing in.

Like, we've discussed this in previous episodes.

Not only am I not aggressive, I, you know, usually any sign, even obvious signs like that.

Yeah, it goes.

It's not like it goes over my head, but I still don't know if I should.

Like, I don't want to be.

Yeah, that.

But you were like, he's.

I saw you guys connect.

Yeah.

So at that point I just kind of, you know, turned to the side and sat and watched.

And I think as soon as Dave saw me do that, he was like, oh, it is time to go over there.

So Dave went over there, looks at the man and says, is it okay?

Yes.

She kind of turned around like a little bit with her neck and said, yes, it's okay because she heard you say that.

And it just starts happening.

The three of you, like, or you.

Not three of you, but you with her.

Well, she's still on writing him.

Yeah, she's.

She's not even riding him.

He's fully clothed.

She's grinding on him.

Yeah.

Also clothed.

But she had her shirt off.

Correct.

And she had a skirt on.

Yeah.

And then so I just started with like light petting and touching and stuff.

Yeah.

And then something went to another.

Yeah, she was at a.

I don't.

I guess we don't need to get into too graphic detail, but like, she was at a weird angle because she's like, she's all.

She popped her booty out a little.

Let's just say that.

Yeah.

Like, I couldn't.

At the angle she was at.

It was still not an invitation.

Like, let's just put it that way.

So I didn't know the invitation.

She kind of repositioned herself.

Yeah.

And I'm super sensitive to this kind of stuff, especially when it's.

When I knew the backstory of it being her first time and not never having anything happen is I, I definitely needed a clear cut sign from her.

I didn't care.

As soon as she did that.

I don't care what the husband says because I know I've been the eager beaver husband.

Kind of tilt her head back and say, yes, it's okay.

No, that's what I'm saying.

I won't go just by the husband because I've been that eager beaver husband.

And then you're like, no.

Yeah, you're like, no, no, it's not happening.

Right.

What he said.

I'm saying no.

And especially me knowing the backstory of her not being with anyone.

I didn't.

I wanted her to be the one to give the invitation.

Correct.

So she did end up lifting up to where I could.

Yeah.

She kind of stayed in the same position, but re angled herself.

And that was like the full invitation for Dave to just go ahead.

And so I just sat back and watched.

I thought it was great.

It was exciting, it was fun.

It was super hot.

Because it was so spontaneous.

Yeah, it's.

It's.

It was super hot.

And I think where we're going with this is we said that there were three different things that each of us got out of it.

And for me, what's hot for me is I think it's always an honor and super exciting to be the first one.

To be the first one for sure.

So I.

I get off on that.

I'm gonna.

I'll admit that.

Yeah.

So that.

You know.

And then also.

But also giving them that experience because it's hot for me, because I know that dynamic.

We have a similar dynamic where there's a lot of times where we're doing things in the moment that's exciting.

Typically with like a single guy or with you involved.

So I know what it's like to be that eager beaver.

Like, I want something to happen.

And especially being the first time I can empathize with the husband.

Like, I knew he's just been waiting for this and playing it over in his mind how many times.

And for her to be so afraid of this, I just wanted to be like, it's.

It's hot for me to be that first time.

So I think that's what I got out of it.

For me, I mean, one, you have the obvious of me watching you with somebody else, which is great.

Two, I tend to have this kind of.

So what you need to understand is couple number one now sees all this happening and they come over and they sit on the other side of the same couch.

Right.

And they're real eager to get involved in this.

And I'm like, this is not getting.

You know, just stay focused, Dave.

Let's.

You know, and.

And really the Dave and her didn't even pay any attention to them.

But I have a weird thing in my head that's kind of hot where I want to win a little bit.

Yeah.

And I thought so just knowing that Dave was the first experience.

They weren't even paying attention.

And you helped make it Happen.

Like that's your thing.

It's so hot for me.

And just like a, you know, proud wife moment there.

Like, I'm like, heck yeah, such a good wingman.

And that's without a doubt your thing.

Like that totally is.

That's been multiple times throughout our.

For them.

For that husband probably made his year because they've been.

Yeah.

When we found out how many years they've been coming and to an actual lifestyle club or lifestyle events and nothing has happened, I was blown away.

Just blown away.

Yeah.

And so I think that that's what also is hot is that it wasn't very long.

It wasn't like it was.

Yeah.

You know, it was.

It wasn't that it had to blow her away in terms of like me performing or anything.

Right.

But what was super hot in terms of the aftermath was you.

Like you said that couple likely went home and had amazing sex processing what just happened.

And we've talked about that in previous episodes.

Like the pillow talk and the reconnect.

For them was probably golden.

Right.

So what was hot for us in that scenario?

Aside from the.

Yes, it was hot being with her the first time.

And it's hot for you wanting to win.

But for us, we know what it's like.

We know the reconnection they're going to have.

Yeah.

And that's I think the hottest.

I don't want to make the wanting to win sound like I'm some sort of like cold hearted.

Like it's meaningless to me.

That's not what we really mean by that.

There is.

It's something that.

I think it's a pride.

Bisexual.

Yeah.

And I think it's a pride thing that you're like, oh, if we can give this couple this.

Or whatever the scenario is.

Yeah.

And you know, it just, you know, we all left totally cool with each other.

Just, you know, we'll see you next time.

You know, they plan on coming back and.

Yeah.

But we know from experience that they're gonna go home and it's gonna be probably the best session of their lives.

Probably.

Yeah.

Because this has been building for years from both of them.

He's the eager beaver playing it over in his mind.

Right.

He probably also wanted it, but.

But had so many of the fears that we talked about with our first time.

The not knowing.

Right.

Yeah.

And they were.

We also found out, side note that they were like, like school age sweethearts.

Yeah.

Like they had been together.

So.

So when.

And that's another hot thing.

Like she probably hasn't had another man at all.

Ever.

If you think about it, there's a good.

Probably not.

Yeah.

If they, if they met that young, we didn't dig that deep.

Right.

But take the lifestyle out of it.

She probably hasn't ever even had another man, which.

And I know even that, just like you were saying, you're.

You're wanting to win.

I don't want to make that sound a certain way, but, like, it is hot, right?

It's hot.

That.

Yeah.

I could have possibly been the only other man other than her husband.

I think leaving with them.

We did, you know, we said, you know, it was great meeting, you know, hope you had a great night.

And they were great.

And it was definitely a reminder for them that it's just definitely, you know, it's always a good.

Have a good connection.

And it's not just about the people.

It's about the energy and the experience.

And I think they completely agreed.

Yeah.

And it's not that we weren't attracted, like, she was attractive.

Yeah.

But again, it's not always.

It was their situation that they wanted.

That's what the hotness was.

Yeah.

What you're saying is it's not necessarily about the individual people.

Like, oh, my God, I have to have that person or that person so hot.

Right.

You can.

Yeah.

In this situation.

It wasn't like that.

Yeah.

It was the scenario all the way around and each of us got something different out of it.

So it was a win, win, win for everyone.

Definitely.

It was a great night.

It was.

It was a lot of fun.

So we'll see you next time on coming out Swinging.

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We'd love to help you redefine couple goals through non monogamy without the mess.

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