The Truth About Performance Enhancers

Today, Dave's serving up some hard truths.

Literally.

We're talking performance enhancing drugs.

Not the kind that get you banned from sports, but the kind that keep you swinging all night long.

And trust us, there's no shame in that game.

Welcome to Find Out Swinging, a raw.

Real look at modern relationships.

I'm Dave Arena.

And I'm Victoria Arena.

We've been together nearly 30 years, married over 24 and swinging for more than 22.

Starting this podcast now because for too long, fear kept us from living authentically, from being we are and what our relationship actually looks like.

Maybe this is our modern day scarlet.

Letter, but we're here to be both the example and the invitation to help others own their desires and question the scripts we've all been handed.

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OG okay, so today we're going to be talking about some guy stuff.

Yes, we have a lot of advice about women for women or couples.

Right.

We've talked enough about your.

All your pet peeves and stuff.

Although I will say this is not just for guys.

This obviously is going to be for everybody involved.

Well, and I think, I think there's a women's side to this too.

It's also about experience of the women involved as well, because it all goes.

It all goes hand in hand.

So what are we talking about?

You know, this is a topic that get vulnerable, Dave.

Right.

Well, it's interesting because I used to feel some sort of way about it, but I don't anymore.

And what we're talking about is performance enhancing drugs, the little blue pill, what have you.

I mean, there's different forms, erection pills.

Right.

And I don't have any problems about it now talking about it.

And I've even given other.

I've given other couples, like literally like I've pulled the girlfriend over and listen, I got you.

This is what you need to do.

Yeah, and I've told other guys that too, because it's just a reality of the situation that you will.

And not for everybody, you know what I mean?

But you will most likely need some sort of enhancer to make it through the lifestyle experiences.

Especially like in our case where we play out in the open or we're doing group Type play.

I call it the puppy reaction.

Well, there's several reasons so that we'll get into that.

Right.

Because.

And that's where I'm going with this, is that.

That I don't really want to.

The reason I. I don't mind talking about it anymore, and I'm open about it, is because this has nothing to do with performance in terms of, like, the medical definition.

Yeah.

Like if I have function myself and what.

And we're in a room, no problem.

Right, Exactly.

Especially if we're at home where there's no distractions.

There's me and you.

There's no problem.

So it's not a medical issue at all.

No, it's the puppy reaction.

Well, you.

Okay, you explain that one first.

Cause there's several different.

So for me, the puppy reaction is like the, you know, tongue is out and tail is wagging, and they're so excited that they get themselves so worked up that it just isn't happening because there's so much going around on them at one time.

So they're seeing stuff.

They're hearing voices, hearing sounds.

People are stopping and coming in and talking, and it's almost like an ADHD reaction to what's going on around them that they can't concentrate.

Yeah.

And I.

You.

You bring up two good points there.

Because I want to separate them.

Because you're talking about two different scenarios.

The first one that you brought up, the puppy one, I take that as your.

The excitement of the moment.

Yeah.

And what's ironic about that is so many times, and even you have had this reaction where you can't help but take it personally as a woman like you.

You.

You.

You of course are going to.

Right.

Oh, my God.

It's me.

Right?

That why he couldn't perform.

Yeah.

I mean, early on.

Yeah, I did think that.

But ironically, and I've told you this many times from a guy's point of view, sometimes, like the hotter the woman or the.

Like.

I shouldn't.

That sounds wrong because I'm not.

I don't want to make it sound just because it's a hot woman, but the hotter the woman or the hotter the scenario, the moment, it's going to happen more often because.

Because of the excitement.

So a lot of times when a woman thinks it's them.

Yeah.

It's really like.

I mean, take a woman completely out of it.

You know, sometimes it's you watching me do something that's hot in the moment with someone else and forget, you know, like, you know, if you forgot the pill.

At home or whatever.

Right.

And again, it's because the moment is so exciting.

Yeah.

Then I can't do my thing.

Right.

And the reason I said it's ironic is because a lot of women think, oh, it's because of me.

And it's actually could be the opposite.

It could be like.

And it's.

There's been so many times where I'm like, so.

Because I'm like, holy shit, this chick is hot.

Or this scenario is hot, and I can't get it up.

And it's like, literally the worst time.

Like, please, no, don't happen now.

Don't happen now.

It really happens far and few between now because you.

It's like part of your ritual of getting ready to go out for the night, like, just to grab that.

But there have been the cases, like where we've traveled and you forgot.

Got it.

Or even locally where we were halfway there and I.

And then you're like, crap, I forgot the pill.

And I'm like, okay, well, we'll just do something together and then forget that.

Yeah.

So then the second part.

Well, that gets to the second part of it.

So the second part of what you mentioned is the adhd.

The.

There's so much going on around you, and this does not have to necessarily be open player, group play now with us.

It is a lot of times.

So that's definitely something because you're.

You're for sure, you have a lot of people watching you.

You have a lot of people going up, you know, a lot of things going on around you.

But it also can even be in a private room because you have.

First of all, if you're swapping with another couple, you have four people, you know, so you're watching what your partner is doing a lot of times.

Right.

So there's that.

But there's also sounds in these clubs or these events or wherever you might be at.

And there's, you know, there's music and there's just.

There's conversations.

We got into that.

We did a whole episode on those distractions, like people having conversations and, you know, hearing the sounds in other rooms.

So there's a lot.

There's just a lot going on that can either distract you or take you out of the moment.

And once it's kind of gone, it's gone.

It's really hard to get it, you know, so there is that in terms of that ADHD reaction.

You know what I mean?

Right.

And I think that those are the.

So those are the main things when it comes to.

Again, it doesn't have anything to do with the medical term of erectile dysfunction.

It's just that there's so much going on that.

And I think people will.

They feel that way.

I don't mean to cut you off, but, like, I think immediately that's what a lot of people go to.

I know you did in the beginning.

Yeah.

And that's why I.

When I say I don't have any shame in that game anymore and I don't really care, it's because I know what it's about.

I know it's not.

It's to enhance the, you know, increase the possibility.

Right now.

It doesn't always.

There are times where you're just not.

It's just not happening.

Right, Right.

But for the most part, it's pretty foolproof in terms of working because there's just so much going on and so much to think about that it's.

It's just inevitable that you're going to have those times.

And it's not only demoralizing for you as the guy, it could be for the woman as well, like we said, because they think it's not them or it just potentially ruins a whole good time.

Right.

For everybody involved.

Yeah.

Completely agree.

Now, I will say, with that said, I would like to talk a little bit about the fact that it's not the end all, be all, or it's not the end of the world if that does happen.

Even on a pill.

Meaning there's plenty of things you can do.

Right.

You know, you can service the woman.

You can still watch.

You can.

Like there, it's.

There's.

There's a lot of things you can do to participate where you don't have to feel like, ugh, I just like, ruined the whole night.

Yeah.

We've actually done both, like where, you know, you, you know, like the service of the woman or we've done.

Or you just watch and then we take that hot moment home and that's like our pillow talk, so to speak.

Yeah.

And I.

Give me the woman's perspective on that though, too, just to kind of ease guys thought, like if.

If.

I mean, once you get over the fact that it's not you.

I mean, especially someone like you who has been in this a while, so, you know, it's not you, you know, it's the situation, what have you, how does it make you feel if the guy did just do other things or it was still a fun night, no matter.

You don't really take that well.

Because I know us.

I mean, in the beginning of that.

Like, even when I got over the fact that it wasn't me, sometimes I felt bad for you.

Like, oh, this was such a bummer night.

You know, that type of thing.

Oh, he didn't get hit.

He didn't get hit.

Yeah, that kind of thing.

But I always keep it in my head that that's kind of where I'm going to make it spicy.

On our own when, you know, the day, the morning after, or when we get home, if we want to reconnect that time, you know, those kinds of things.

So it's almost.

It's not a pressure builder.

I don't want to say that.

But it's like.

But I'm not talking about us, me and you.

What I'm talking about is if that happened to you with another guy.

Because I know, I'm just.

From my.

From my perspective, the way I would get over that is if I was able to still do.

If I was still able to make that woman feel good and have a good time by other means, I would still feel good about it.

Yeah.

And confident about it.

And I wouldn't, like, like, yeah, it would suck because if I really wanted it and just.

Just for the.

The.

Just for the experience, you know, and be like, okay, yeah, I didn't get, like, I don't really care about me.

Getting myself, but I actually, like, really moves things along when they're, like, servicing the female and stuff.

Sometimes that really helps things get really charged.

And the guy's like, I just can't now.

I'm good to go.

You know, that type of thing.

Yeah.

And I would still feel very good about that at the end of the night because that's just the way I am.

But, like, would you feel the same way as the woman in that.

Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

You got catered to.

First of all, you know, sometimes in this lifestyle, we as women like to feel that chase and that, you know, that desired feeling.

And so sometimes that's really great.

Like they're catering to you and nothing else matters.

You know, sometimes it helps really excite the man.

And then you are gonna get some unit.

You just never know.

But it's never your fault or because of you, Especially in this world.

It's just not.

So, I mean, yeah, absolutely.

I totally think it's a positive thing.

Yeah.

So you wouldn't feel any negative kind of way.

Like, you would still feel like, oh, this was still a.

But I can't tell you how many women you know, newbies.

Oh, it must have been me.

Well, of course you Know that type of thing.

And they should probably just get that out of their head right now because it's like, nine times out of ten, it's not you.

Yeah.

Well.

And most times, you're probably not gonna be in that situation.

If it was you to begin with, like, why would you be with some.

You know, like, you're exactly.

You know.

Yeah.

In fact, like I said, from a guy's point of view, it's usually a big bummer that it's like, oh, man.

Like, I really wanted this.

Not tonight.

Yeah.

I really wanted this to happen, you know, And I think the other thing, too, is that.

And this is.

Again, it doesn't necessarily apply just to our situation of playing in the open and playing in group situations, but the way we play, oftentimes we socialize for a while, and then we typically.

Unless we were.

Unless we had already met someone that we were going back to a playroom specifically for, we typically tend to go into the playroom and start with each other, whether that's in the open, whether that's in a room, you know, with the door open or.

And we've gone over this in other episodes, and then we typically just kind of.

We've found that when we start the action ourselves.

Yeah.

And then let whatever evolves.

I mean, obviously, that's our thing.

That's what we're.

We.

Like the spontaneous thing.

Yeah.

Whatever happens, happens in the moment.

Agree.

But because we do that, we tend to play for a long time, or we go at it, take breaks, go at it.

So that I don't know how to describe it.

Like, I guess it gives time for people to either roam around and watch us for a while, or finally they get the nerve to come up to us.

Or they come in like, it's me and you playing with each other for a while.

That kind of gets the catalyst for.

Yeah.

It gets things moving.

Get things moving.

Right.

So I think what I'm saying is the.

The medication helps with that as well, because it'll increase your stamina.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know how many times we've heard people say, well, oh.

My God, you guys, you've been going for all night.

Right.

They're still going.

And that's only because the way we do it, especially with you being in the single guys, we are trying to spur the action along, and we might have multiple experiences within a night.

Yeah.

And once I'm done, we're kind of done for the night.

Like, that's our rule.

Like, we finish with each other.

Right.

And Then once I'm done.

Well, not always with each other.

No, not always.

Could be with somebody else, but once I'm done, we're done for the night.

Right.

So we kind of keep it going to allow for as many experiences as we can.

Exactly.

So we can't do that without.

That's another aspect of it is there's just no way.

Yeah.

And I think there's a time to take the medication as well.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I think if you are a single guy and you've kind of like felt out the night and you are vibing with a couple or a woman or whatever, you know, if.

If, you know, she's still by the bar area, you know, that kind of thing, or you see her get up to move to the back, go take the pill.

Yeah.

Because like, if you're getting signs and you're.

Yeah.

Like you guys are really vibing because.

It is going to take a little.

While about like going to a room together or things like that, you know, because you're going to need like that 15, 20 minutes for that sucker to kick in.

Otherwise you'll just frustrate yourself.

And you can frustrate it.

Frustrate yourself to the point where it's not going to work.

Yeah.

And the flip side of that is you don't want to take it too early either.

You don't want to take it just when you leave the house.

And then if nothing does happen or something for a while.

Yeah.

You're excited because you're watching a girl dance on the dance floor, you know, like, that you're going to waste it, because it does.

I found that.

And this may not be true of everybody.

Everybody may have their own experiences.

And I guess it also depends on the dose you're taking and what kind of medications you're taking, which we'll get into in a little bit.

Yeah.

But I found that it's.

It's really a weird thing.

It.

It lasts for a long time, like.

And, you know, I've even woken up in the next morning and it's still raring to go.

Yeah.

And that's after you finish the night.

Before because of the medication.

However, there is a sweet spot during the night where again, because of everything that's going on and all the pressure and all that there, if you take it too early, it tends to, like, there tends to be a point in time.

And you've noticed this.

If we've gone at it for several hours, it kind of has that wear.

Off, like a numbing Effect.

Yeah.

And it's almost like you're just, you're kind of done for a while.

Yeah.

And then you may, you may recover quicker.

Like you may be able to take a break and then get hard again.

Where you also know that if I'm not on the pill and I can't get it up, it's pretty much not going to happen.

Right.

You know what I mean?

There's just too much.

Those are the nights that are like the over excitement nights or the, you know, or you got the people that aren't following the rules and they're killing your vibes.

Yeah.

You can have the vibe killer.

So look back at those other episodes that we did and this can be a factor.

So in terms of what to take, I mean, I guess you can go to your doctor.

I mean we've, we've always been upfront with our doctors in terms of like STD testing and other things.

But I don't really use my doctor for that.

I just have always gone online.

I've used RO in the past, which is yeah, really reliable.

You just fill out the questionnaire and you know, make sure that you pass all the health questions.

And they, they actually have a doctor that will, I mean they just email you or whatever and they give you the right dose or what have you.

But you know, I've, I've tried a couple different ones.

The Viagra or the Cialis which are.

I think they're like generic ones or.

Yeah.

Whatever the case may be.

Compounded version.

Yeah.

And then um, I've taken em in pill form.

It seems to me that anywhere between fifty milligrams and a hundred is good for a night.

Yeah.

Sometimes even lower than that.

You really, I mean if, if you start getting closer to a hundred, 80 to 100, you're probably gonna be uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Like the next day it's gonna be.

Your face will be bright red.

Yeah.

Like so it's really.

There.

There is kind of a sweet spot.

I would say maybe 50 or 60.

What I really have been liking lately for a couple of different reasons.

Are those roe lozenges.

Yeah.

Because I mean they make you.

You always make fun of me because my face always.

They're a little bit.

He's got something in that he doesn't want in it.

Yeah, they're.

They're like supposedly grapefruit flavor or something.

But they're.

Yeah, they're a little bitter.

I do like them because you just put them under your tongue so it's very like.

You don't have to it's very inconspicuous.

And also it's quick.

It's within 15 minutes and you start feeling it.

And it's a combination of the Cialis and Viagra active ingredients, which is really nice.

So whatever that combination is is like the perfect amount of.

Yeah.

You know, and.

I don't know.

I mean, you'd say it's.

It's worked.

I mean, they've all worked, but.

They've all worked.

That's worked like a charm.

Yeah.

I mean, I think we were a little nervous about that one, but it looks like you're just slipping a little, like, lozenge or piece of candy in your mouth.

Yeah, it's.

It's just really easy.

It's quick.

Better than looking like you're taking a pill.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, obviously, in a club.

Yeah.

Typically I go to the bathroom and.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's.

But yeah, it's.

It's quick, it's easy, it's effective, so.

For sure.

Yeah.

I mean, I think it's important to talk about these kind of things openly because, again, it's the type of thing that I did not want to.

I just felt weird about it and wasn't really open about it, or I felt like I. I don't know why.

Like, not that you would.

Not that that ever comes up.

Usually in conversation or something, you would offer information.

But I felt kind of, like, not shameful, but, like, I really didn't want people to know that.

Like, it was like, my secret.

Right.

Type of thing.

But I'm not like that anymore because it.

It is very helpful.

And there is most of the reasons.

Most of the reasons why you're going to have performance issues are not.

They have nothing to do with you.

Yeah.

I can't tell you how many times we've seen couples walk out and the guy is, like, pouting, like he's pissed off, and the girl's, like, sluggishly coming up from behind, you know, and they're walking out of the club like he just packed up his shit and left because it just couldn't happen and, you know, that kind of thing.

Or.

We've had couples that we talked to, then they went back to play, then they came out, and she's like, he couldn't do anything.

And, you know, like, that kind of stuff, you know, those are the girls I've pulled aside, and I said, listen, I got you.

This is what you need.

Trust me.

The next time you guys come, it'll be a different story.

Yes.

Again, hopefully opening up about this kind of stuff will help somebody else, and you'll have.

Trust me, it'll be.

It'll be a better time.

It'll be a fun time.

It'll be a game changer.

So we should go on route.

We should get a.

We should get sponsorship.

Yeah, that would be great.

I know.

It's, like, perfect.

All right, well, I think that's all for this time.

All right, see you next time.

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