Shut the F*ck Up!

So here's the thing.

We love that you're excited to be at the sex club.

We really do.

But if you're in the play area talking about your colonoscopy or your kid's soccer schedule while people are trying to fuck, you're doing it wrong.

In this episode, we tackle one of the biggest vibe killers at lifestyle clubs.

Loud ass people treating the play area like it's happy hour at Chili's.

From awkward overshares to unsolicited porn director commentary, we've seen, seen and heard it all.

This episode is a love letter from your fellow swingers trying to get off in peace.

Welcome to Swinging, a raw, real look at modern relationships.

I'm Dave Arena.

And I'm Victoria Arena.

We've been together nearly 30 years, married over 24, and swinging for more than 22.

We're starting this podcast now because for too long, fear kept us from living authentically, from being open about who we are and what our relationship actually looks like.

Maybe this is our modern day scarlet.

Letter, but we're here to be both the example and the invitation to help others own their desires and question the scripts we've all been handed.

What's broken in today's relationships?

Is monogamy even natural for humans?

And could the secret to a relationship that doesn't drain your soul be owning other people?

This show explores how love, sex, and identity often buckle under the weight of societal expectations, especially monogamy.

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OG okay, so this should be a fun one because this is one of your pet peeves.

Although you have a lot of pet peeves.

I do, but this, this overall kind of covers most of my pet peeves.

Like, this is just kind of sums.

It all up into one.

Yeah, because you're the swinger police, for sure.

You're like the etiquette.

You make me sound like I'm like a Karen in the lifestyle, but I'm not.

Yeah, well, so, so we're going to.

We titled this episode Shut the Fuck up, which is literally there.

But there's a lot of different categories.

Right.

So, and, and I.

Let me preface this by saying in most clubs, you either have open play areas.

Correct.

Okay, well, typically, and this isn't always the case, but typically you're going to have a play area, whether it's in the back of the club, separated from like the bar area or the socializing area.

You know, usually that's the case.

Right.

The play area is going to be Separated from the socializing.

Sometimes there's like little lounges within the play area, but what have you.

And within the play areas, there are oftentimes either open play areas or there are private rooms where you can either close the door or keep the door open.

You can keep the chain up where people can just watch but can't come in.

There's different scenarios.

We've explained some of this in previous episodes.

Yes.

So we just want to set the stage there.

And also a lot of times these cubicles or private rooms are not built all the way up to the ceiling.

They're often like.

Yeah, like the top is open.

Like you could hear over.

Yeah.

Like three quarter cubicle style.

So even if somebody shut the door for privacy viewing wise, they could still hear what's going out in the hallways.

Yeah.

And I wanted to.

I did want to specify that because some of this is specific to how we play in the open and some of it would apply no matter what.

Correct.

Even if you're in a private room.

Yeah.

So you want to kick it off with your favorite category, which is I.

Am not a zoo animal.

I can hear you.

The zoo animal commentary.

Give an example.

Okay.

This literally happened, but this is an example of a girl was standing at my door and said, oh, my God, she's too thick.

Right.

You do realize I can hear you.

Like, I can see you.

I can hear you.

Yeah.

You're up like a glass.

Soundproof glass.

I'm not like, you know, a zoo animal.

That's literally what I want, you know?

Yeah.

It's not tv.

You're not really.

Just say that and think.

I'm not going to react to you.

And we've heard all sorts of things.

Yeah.

Crazy, crazy things.

I don't know if you could think of any other ones off the top of your head, but it's.

Yeah, you.

Oh, my God, she still going down on him.

That one drove me nuts because they.

They maybe were there for a brief second, then, you know, maybe we did something else.

And then they came back like 45 minutes later and maybe I was going down on you again.

Yeah.

And you're like, you just missed the whole show.

I'm like, missed the whole show in between that.

Like, what do you mean?

I'm stuck.

Still going down on me.

So what if I was like that?

You're not conducting my porn.

Yeah.

Or they're.

Oh, they're boring.

Like, you know what I mean?

So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We hear also there.

There's been so many times where either you or I Usually it's you.

Because I'm.

I'm oblivious.

You.

You catch everything.

But you'll just turn to me like, did they actually say that out loud?

I'm like, oh, yeah, they.

They did.

And you just mentioned the.

The next category, which is the director.

The director.

The porn directors.

You get that.

You get that single guy that stands there and goes, come on, do this to her.

And then.

And it's.

It's not just single guys.

No, it is.

In fact, you often.

I probably think we've had more often.

It's a woman or the woman of a couple.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

And I don't know.

You're not spanking her enough.

Yeah.

Or.

Yeah, I can't stand that one.

When we get to add a lot, like, oh, smacker.

And then I'm like, well, first of all, I feel weird now doing it because you just told me to do it.

Yeah.

So now it feels weird.

It's awkward.

And then when I do it and it's like, well, smacker, harder.

I'm like, okay, now this is turning into a whole thing.

Yeah, there was also one.

I'll never forget it.

They were like, put your whole hand up in her.

And I was like, what?

That's a very specific thing that people are either into or not your fetish porn.

Like, yeah, it was.

It was bizarre.

But you get that.

You get the directors a lot.

And what do you.

You always say?

I always say, I'm not here to put on your porn fantasies.

Or.

I don't know.

Like, I always.

I come up with something every time.

Yeah, you're pretty bitchy about that one.

You.

You've let some people have it.

Like, I'm not.

I'm not here to take your request.

Yeah, yeah, that's a big one for me.

I don't.

I don't take requests.

That's what I say.

Well, it's so.

And it's so awkward because, like, even if, like, you get the fact that people are in the moment and they might want to see certain things.

Okay, whatever.

Yeah, but it's like.

Like I said, though, you're kind of in a weird position because you're like, okay, if I do it, then I feel weird because I'm just following, like, what some random person is telling me to do.

Yeah, that feels weird.

But then if I don't, I feel like we're being like, are we?

You know, Like, I always feel like.

There'S a difference between, like, the porn request over.

Oh, my God, that s so hot.

You guys are so hot.

Like if they stood up or and said that, like, I'd be like, you know, I wouldn't say anything, but in my head I'd be like, oh, thanks, you know, that type of thing.

It's just kind of unnecessary commentary.

Well, and that's a good point you make though too.

Right.

Because that's the flip side of it.

What is acceptable in those moments?

Because that is always nice to hear, like, oh, you guys were hot.

Or that was a great show.

Like stuff like that is exciting, acceptable, like, you know, or, or even maybe say it afterwards.

Like we've had that a lot where it's like we're already done.

And then they say, wow, that was a hot show.

They didn't do it during it.

So people do, they do have the right etiquette sometimes.

Yeah, absolutely not.

Not a lot of it.

Right.

So then I'm trying to think we have the nervous newbies.

Oh, that's, that drive me nuts.

That's a good one.

That's because that, so I mean, I don't want to give away the one we're going to talk about.

We should talk about the next one right after it because there is a distinction.

There is, there is.

So for me, a nervous newbie would be like the first time couples or first time single even like that got like the tour or whatever.

And this was probably, this is probably the most common scenario, I would say.

And I kind of want to sympathize with them a little bit because it's that nervous energy and they don't know where to put it.

So they just talk and they talk loud and they chat and they overcompensate their nervousness.

Like chatting it up non stop back there.

Yeah.

So these, and we'll get into the next category after this and you'll see the distinction we're going to make.

Nervous newbies are like, actually people that are serious about like checking this out.

Right.

They're, they're serious about at least, or at least having a first time or, or even if they don't do anything, going to the club to check it out legitimately check it out.

Right.

But yeah, I agree with you.

Those are the most common and it is, I, I do, I get it.

I, I, in fact, we laugh a lot of times when we hear the nervous talk and the nervous energy because it's like we're just kind of like, come on, move it along.

You know what I mean?

Like, and they're being friendly.

They're, they're, it's so it's not like these are not.

They don't realize it's rude, but they're not being rude.

Rude.

They're.

So explain what we're talking about here.

So let's break it down.

These are people that are having social conversations.

Well, that's like a different category.

They're.

They're trying to.

So I guess we're.

The two we're going to talk about later are close to this, but there are distinctions.

They're not socializing.

They're trying to get to the next step they want to play.

And they're either in a group with other couples or they're.

Or they're with one couple, and they're doing that whole awkward, weird.

Hitting on them.

Each other, but, like, loud.

But how do you describe that?

You know what I'm talking about?

Like, where.

It's like, one we've heard.

Yeah.

It's like when they're like, oh, you're.

You're like.

I don't even know.

Like, it's hard for me to come up with an example, but, like, they're.

They're complimenting each other.

They're flirting.

Flirting.

Yeah.

So it's basically what they should have been done doing in the socializing bar area.

You know, when they're having their drinks.

Or Get a room.

Yeah, or get a room.

They're.

They're in the.

What we're talking about is they're in the hallways of the play area.

So they're like, in the hallways, and they're kind of flirting with each other.

So it's almost like the get a room type of thing.

Like.

Yeah, okay, guys.

Like, you know, but they're doing it so loud because of the nervous energy, and they're trying to, like, impress each other or whatever.

And they're doing that whole awkward dance.

Yeah.

Right outside our room while we're trying to.

Yeah.

And it's just like, come on.

Like, just go do your thing.

But it's like that.

It happens a lot.

Yeah.

It's like, oh, I love.

You know, that dress is, like, really nice.

You know, it's so hot in that dress.

It's like, get that bra.

Okay, well, then go in a room and take the bra.

Right.

Get the.

I don't know what to tell you.

It's so distracting.

Yeah.

So I guess the last two, then are the.

And where these are kind of related is one of them is really quick because it.

It hap.

It doesn't happen as often, but it does happen where it's the field Trips, I call them.

Oh, it happens a lot.

Okay, here's.

Here's my explanation of it.

There are.

Because I want you to.

I want you to explain the difference between newbies and the field trip.

There are nights when you go to a lifestyle club and not only do you have.

You have the moms gone wild, which I like to call the moms that got all dressed up and sexied up for, you know, the night.

Something that they normally wouldn't do if they went to dinner or whatever.

And they're, you know, like there's like the whole cul de sac came out together and, you know, but they're not going to do anything.

They're there to watch.

They're there to just look the part and.

Or they're like, we've seen full bachelorette parties come through.

Full bachelor parties come through.

And those are called field trips.

That's what I call them.

It happened.

Or it's a friend group where it's like four ladies just wanted to do a dare and be like, yeah, we're.

Going to say we went out to one.

You know, those kinds of things.

Those are probably the worst for me.

Probably the most do ammo at least with like the flirty, nervous newbies.

At least, you know, they're trying.

They're like trying to do something.

They just don't know the game yet.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, for sure.

But these are people that aren't stuck.

Serious at all.

Field trip examples are like, you know, we.

We've.

Remember when we met that those one.

There were like four girls and we were just like talking to them outside our door and they were just giggling and having a good time, which, okay, great, have a good time.

Kind of part nervous energy because they don't really know where to put it.

Part at.

But it's also, they're drunk and they.

Don'T know any of the etiquette.

They're not interested in the lifestyle at all.

And as they're standing there talking loud and whatever, there's a sign over their head that says quiet zone.

Right.

It's almost like they're.

You know what I.

The best word I could think of is they think it's like a spectacle.

Yes.

Yeah.

And it's a kind of a.

It's kind of mocking your lifestyle in a way.

Yeah, they're kind of like the heckler at a comedy show.

Yes.

That's the best way to describe them.

Right.

Even if they're not doing it on purpose.

Well, that's the same as comedy.

Right.

The hecklers, they think they're helping out the show.

They, they.

They just have no clue.

And it's.

It's very obnoxious.

It's like you.

Yeah.

Especially right out of the moment.

Yeah.

And you're standing right outside our door, which is open to the public.

You know what I mean?

And so, yeah, that's that.

Those are the field trip groups.

Whether it's batch, like you said, bachelor party, bachelorette.

A lot of times it's just those few women that go out together and like, oh, we're gonna do this.

You know what I mean?

It's like they.

You could tell they're just gonna tell all their friends about, like, what a wild night they had, and they checked out this risque place and it's just like, oh, you have no.

Like, yeah, it's crazy.

And then I think probably, I don't even know where you would rank these in order.

I keep saying your biggest one, and I think all of them could be your biggest pet peeve.

But you really get annoyed by the life story people.

Oh, yeah.

And typically, these are not the newbies necessarily.

No, sometimes it is.

But these are people who really.

They should know better.

They should know better.

They absolutely should know better.

They're regulars and they sit back in the play area and they do what should be.

They do what should be done in the socializing area.

Right.

Without a doubt.

Because like I said, you can either walk around in the back area.

You can.

There are sometimes sitting areas back.

But that is for what would you just.

I mean, that's basically for like, quiet, still, quiet conversation.

Trying to, like if, you know, if you're trying to get, like, actually make it happen with.

You're hearing a lot of sexual noise in the air.

Of course those little lounge areas start to turn into like a little makeout couch or, you know, things like that.

Because it's turning you on.

Right.

And.

Or you're waiting for a room.

Sometimes the rooms are all taken.

Yeah.

So there could be conversation.

We're not going to be like, about.

Yeah.

You know, but it's, you know, to be quiet, you know, to keep it on.

Like, usually it's, you know, you're getting to know someone or trying to make it happen or trying to get into a room.

Yeah.

But these are.

It baffles my mind how many times it's regulars that are.

That, like we said, should know better.

And they are just back there and you.

Not only do you hear their life stories, but they are loud.

Like, what.

I mean, we've Heard, first of all, stories about your fucking kids.

We don't want to know while we're trying to do what we're doing.

Yeah.

Like, I don't.

I don't need to hear your bus schedule pick up.

Right?

Like, I've heard it.

I've heard it.

Yeah.

Or what your.

You know, what your kids are, what dance class they're in.

Or like, that is just.

Or I went to the doctor, and now I have to have my gallbladder.

Oh, the medical.

Yeah, really loud.

And I think the one that drives me the most nuts is when they start talking politics.

Like, why.

Why are we talking politics back here in a sex area where people are freaking, trying to get their groove on, and you're, like, loudly talking about, you know, it's because of this or it's because of that politics.

Like, take that back out to the bar area or, like, literally take off.

A night you actually talking about.

You actually skated over my favorite one, which is the medical.

Because every.

Like, I've heard people be like, oh, and my diabetes, and they're gonna have to amputate my toe.

And I'm just like, what.

What are we doing?

What are we doing right now?

Like, why are we talking about this?

The doctor told me amputation is the only way to go.

And I was like, what?

Yeah, I'm like, you can't.

Like, you can't get any worse when you're trying to perform.

I've heard.

You know, you have no idea.

My boss is such a dick.

Right?

And, like, goes on and on and on about their work day and their boss and, you know, all this.

Yeah, it's wild.

Some of the stuff we hear.

And these are regulars that should know different.

And why are these.

These are the people that are always the loudest, too.

It's not like they're just having a.

Like, it's.

It's like you can hear it, and I just don't.

I just don't understand.

I mean.

And don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's been plenty of times where we fit into one of these categories, you know?

Especially where you, like, you're getting to know someone and you're kind of feeling the vibes, and maybe you're louder than you think you are.

You know what I mean?

We catch ourselves, right?

Like, every.

Oh, yeah.

Every.

Every once in a while, it happens.

It gets out of hand, or you have the loud friend.

You know what I mean?

Like, you can get.

You know, you love to chat and stuff, but it's like, yeah, it's that awareness of.

Of the etiquette and where you are and just all these different categories of people just don't get it.

And they don't get that once you're back in that play area, people are trying to.

Yeah.

Do it the best.

My best advice going forward with this whole, like, episode is, like, do your socializing and drinking and stuff out at the bar.

I mean, it's.

That's just the best way to look at it.

Like, I'm a party girl, so I love getting everybody involved in, like, hey, want to do a shot?

Or come on over to our table and you know, like.

But it's all done in the proper area.

And then when you're going in the back or you're going to the playroom side of things, depending on, you know, what your club, how your club looks, it's quite.

It's a quiet zone.

Let people have their fun.

You know how it could be a complete boner killer for your dude.

You know what I mean?

It can take a woman right out of it.

Like, I'm sorry, I just can't.

Can't now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

After I heard about your diabetes.

Yeah, I was.

I was really in the moment of you going down on me, but, yeah, this.

Until you told us about your gangrene.

Yeah, I can't.

I can't believe I just heard that.

All right, so we'll just end this episode with the best advice of all.

Shut the up.

Definitely.

We'll see you next time.

Bye.

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